The art of interpretation

"How are you?"
"Where are you from?"
"What do you do?"

During my socially un-enlightened years, I used to think these questions are so boring. After having hundreds of repetitive conversations like these, I thought: "Why can't people be more creative and ask something more interesting?".

Until one day, many experiences later, it dawned on me: words don't always convey what the speaker wants to express.

For example, I'm sure everyone has read/experience about the interesting fact that, what women say and what they mean are two different things. Here are some humorous examples taken from a website:

- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
- Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
- Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
- Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

The same principal applies to many human interactions. When someone asks "What do you do?" when you meet for the first time, what they are really saying is: "Tell me something interesting about who you are in ways I can relate to, so that we may connect in some ways."

When you respond to what people are really asking, instead of being boring and repetitive, the conversation takes a different tone and becomes interesting. It's pretty simple right? But I was clueless for years.


When I travelled in India, the question "Where are you from?" quickly became an annoying phrase, because it was the first thing every tout and hawker said when they have their radar locked on you. When they said it, what they really meant was: "Give me a response so that I can continue talking and sell you something."

But when you are sitting in a friendly hostel with fellow travellers, "Where are you from?" becomes just another way of saying: "Tell me something interesting about who you are in ways that I can relate to."
Same words, big difference.


A while ago, a friend was upset because the girl he was seeing liked to play mind games with him. "I know all these games and tricks, and I'm so sick of girls who like to play them." He exclaimed.

That got me thinking, why do girls play games with guys? Isn't it just another form of indirect communication? Isn't it a way of expressing their uncertainty and/or doubt? So when us guys get upset and/or confused by them, doesn't it basically mean that we failed the tests titled "Are you man enough to be with me?" or "Are you sensitive enough to understand my feelings?"


I find it interesting that for some people, the skills to interpret what certain communication really mean seem to come so naturally to them, that they don't even need to think about what they do.

But for those who are more debilitated such as myself, we have to learn them the hard way. It's not easy, because someone who thinks "Why can't people ask more interesting questions?" has very different mindset and beliefs about themselves and others, compared to someone who thinks "I understand where you are coming from, and I can relate to that".
Mindset and beliefs are harder to change than behaviours.

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The phoenix

Only those who possess both confidence and humility are complete.
Confidence without humility becomes egotism. People who are egoistical, are actually more insecure than they wanted you to believe.

Sometimes, humility can only be learnt after one hit rock bottom and stayed there for a while.
Like a phoenix who needs to be burnt to the ashes in order to be reborn, the periods of darkness in one's life are opportunities to cleanse and purify one's soul before the rebirth can take place.

Of course, it's easy to say these from the hindsight. When the fire is burning, when things hurt like hell, you'll likely just want to tell other people to shut up about this phoenix nonsense.

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One of those days

It's one of those days, where reality felt utterly surreal. One of those days, where familiar faces felt unfamiliar. One of those days, when I started writing in my journal, the words from Hamlet's famous soliloquy intertwined with my thoughts. I wondered, how can the words written 400 years ago, still ring true today. Is the human condition the exception to this transient world?

And... it's one of those days, when I flipped open Hamlet aimlessly, the words that stared right at me, were the exact ones that had been circling in my mind.

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Turning Point

"This is nuts." After many attempts, frustration turned into anger and disbelief. What am I doing wrong? How is it possible that, after having completed other much more strenuous activities, I still could not swim freestyle strokes for more than 50 meters? That's just one single bloody lap!

After several practices without getting any improvement, at the brink of giving up, I turned to the basic exercises demonstrated in the Total Immersion video.

There's a reason why I skipped these exercises in the beginning: they looked pretty plain and boring. Instead of swimming, you repeat some very basic movements, like floating in the water, rotating your body, positioning your hands and doing some hand switching.

But once I got into it, it became an amazing experience. The moment I experienced what it meant to turn my body with the least effort, and noticed how it simply glide through the water with ease, time seemed to have stopped for a moment. Frustration was replaced by joy, and now each movement becomes an achievement in and by itself.

There's something very zen-like about it.

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Dreams

I've said this before, I'm a dreamer, I need to dream and know that all things are possible in order to be happy.

Convincing me that my dreams are unrealistic and can never be realised is the surest way to induce a depression in me. Growing up, I felt suffocated by the overwhelming pressure from the outside world, and that's a major reason why I became rather argumentative early on: I needed to protect myself.

There's a reason why Paulo Coelho remained a favourite writer of mine in the past 10 years.

Quote:
"We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming. If we don’t, our soul dies".

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/01/03/the-good-fight-3

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A lesson from survivor Samoa

I've always find that certain people makes me uneasy. There's often no obvious and justifiable reasons, but no matter what I do I just find that I have the innate desire to get as far away from them as possible.

Sometimes I wonder, why my other friends don't mind these individuals, and whether the problem has something to do with me.

Well...watching survivor Samoa brought me a revelation. This is what happened: in the Foa Foa tribe, there's a guy called Russell who started a strategy of deceit from day one. On the surface, he was friendly to everyone and tried to get everyone's trust, but at the same time he secretly manipulated people into fighting with each other, causing rifts in the tribe. (This was on day one! Wasn't it a bit too early? Shouldn't you be focusing on having unity in the tribe so that you can win challenges first?)
When he talked to the camera in private, he started gloating about how stupid he thinks everyone is and how everyone is going to be his puppets.

Having a villain like this certainly made the show more entertaining, but it shows that there are certain people you just shouldn't place your trust with.

Almost everyone was blindsided by him, but some started to sense that something about him just wasn't quite right. A former police officer, Betsy, stated: "I wouldn't trust Russell", but when asked by another tribe member "why?", she couldn't explain it. "I don't know...it's just my female intuition...". Another member, Marisa, made the mistake of voice her concern about his trustworthiness to him, so he manipulated the tribe to vote her out in the first episode. Since Betsy instinctively knew that she couldn't trust Russell, true to his villainous nature, he got her voted out in the second episode. From there on, the Foa Foa tribe suffered a streak of defeats challenge after challenge. Well...when everyone who's smart enough to be suspicious of the villain's behaviour were voted off, is there any surprise that you're left with a weak tribe?

Maybe, when your instinct tells you that you can't trust someone, there's a good reason for it, even if you can't explain it (perhaps especially if you can't explain it).

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The Island

This is a true story.

My friends met an Italian couple in India, who were in their forties. They first visited Southern India in 1980s. During that time, they met a local guy, who told them about a secluded island. They were entranced by the descriptions, so they decided to go there with him. The island was so remote that it took several days and many boat rides to get there.

Once they were there, the island turned out to be everything they dreamed of. During the day, they would go fishing, swimming, picking fruits, and at night they would sit in front of the fire, listen and exchange stories with the locals. They lost track of time.

One day they woke up, and realised that 20 years have passed since they first arrived! That's when they left the island, went back to mainland India, continued their journey, met my friends and told them this story.

It is surreal.

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