A friend called me today, he's someone I knew since I was a teenager, we've met up a few times last year, and I've shared my travel stories with him, and a bit of my spiritual experiences. But by the end of our interations, I found that we've ran out of conversation topics.
I learnt that he's not been doing anything outside of work, so I suggest him to go and explore everything about life as much as possible, and find out who he really is.
I thought that's the final message that I should pass on to him, and he really needs to figure things out for himself.
He called me once in a while to make small talks, how are you, what have you been doing...etc. I politely replied his questions but the conversations never really went anywhere, it was always the same repeated stuff.
Today, after repeating the routine once again, I asked him:
"So you're working five days a week, what do you do during your weekends?"
"Oh...nothing, just staying at home, doing some gardening, the same old boring stuff."
"Man, you sound like you're already 40-50 years old." (He's only around 30 by the way)
"Ha ha, ye, I know, it's boring."
"Man you should get some hobbies."
"Yes maybe I should, but I really don't know what to do."
"Well...what are you interested in?"
"I don't know..nothing...."
"I don't believe you."
"It's true, really, I can't think of anything...."
"No way, I don't believe it, tell me, what is it that you really want to do? If tomorrow the world is going to end, what would you do today?"
"Well...I don't know, spend all my money?"
"Ok, so what would you spend your money on?"
"I don't know..."
"Come one, there must be something you want to get, or something you want to do."
"No...really...I can't think of anything, I don't have any dreams...etc"
"I don't believe you, I believe that it's not because you don't have any dreams, but that they have been suppressed over the years as you grow up, so all you need to do is to ask yourself questions and find out what you want."
"Maybe you're right, but I can't think of any."
"Well...what did you want to do as a kid? You must have things that you wanted to do back then but couldn't, and now it's your chance to realise them."
"It's too long ago, I can't remember."
"Ask yourself, go explore, find out what you want."
"Yeah, maybe, but what I want maybe unrealistic."
"Don't worry about whether it's realistic or not, just say it."
"Well...I want to earn lots of money, but it's a bit unrealistic."
"Ok...what does earning lots of money meant to you? What does money represent?"
"It's a good feeling to have lots of money, it feels good."
"Ok, but when I asked you what do you want to spend your money on earlier, you told me that you don't know, so what do you want to have lots of money for? Ask yourself what does money represent, what does it meant to you personally? Just go and explore."
"Ok..."
I felt this is the end of our conversation, he should turn inward and find some answers from himself. But he then started to ask me what I'm planning to do today, something he's already asked earlier.
"Hey don't change the subject, you haven't answer my questions yet."
Seeing that we're going to repeat the same talk again, I tuned up my bossy persona a notch at this point:
"Ok, I remember when I told you about my travel experiences, you mentioned that you'll be interested to do something like that as well. So tell me, if you can travel to any places in the world, where would you like to go?"
"I want to go to Italy." Finally I'm getting a straight answer.
"Ok, why don't you go?"
"Ha ha, hey.. it's not like you can just go anytime."
"Why not? You've been working for a while now, you haven't been spending much, so you've got quite a bit of savings, so just go whenver you've got a holiday."
He agreed, but then said he doesn't like to travel alone.
"So go findout if there's someone you can go with, go explore the possibilities."
"Yes, that's the thing, finding someone..."
I gave him a speech about how when you travel, if you're open to others, you'll meet all kinds of people, you can make friends anywhere, so why do you need to worry about being alone...etc
"Yes you're right, the feeling is different that way though...etc"
Finally I made a proposition that he can't refuse:
"Look, I'm not saying that you have to go tomorrow, just start exploring the idea, start investigating and researching. Go to the library or a bookshop and pick up some travel guides, there're lot's of places in Italy that you can visit, so do some readings and find out what interests you the most, start researching and planning the trip.
So that in the future when someone ask you what have you been doing, you'll have something interesting to share with them instead of just the normal boring day to day stuff. And maybe through the conversation, you'll find other people who are also interested in travelling to Italy, and then you may find yourself a travel partner...etc."
He agreed.
"So go and make your life more interesting." I said.
I'm glad about how things went, I've finally broke the old interaction pattern between us, so that in the future we may have someting exciting to talk about.
I totally believe that everyone is responsible for how interesting their life is, there's nothing others can do except give you a nudge in the right direction once in a while.
By the way, it's fun to play my bossy persona, I enjoyed it.
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