leaving, floating onwards

The cat curled up like a furry cushion, sleeping soundly on my laps.
Usually he prefers to sleep on K's laps, but for the past two days he's been coming to me instead.

"Somehow cats always know that you are leaving. Before we left NZ, the cat we had came and stayed around us all the time." K said.

There are still 3 days left before I leave, but I'm already feeling nostalgic.
I really like my stay in Dharamkot, where we can see the mountains and valleys every day; walk pass forests, monkeys, mongooses, cows, donkeys, and of course dogs and cats; watch crows, huge vultures and other unknown birds flying in the sky.

Of course the place is not a paradise, it's fulled of inconveniences and daily bugs, like the frequent power cuts, internet problems, network cable problems, the cold weather & the absence of indoor heating, and the locals who always try to get as much money out of us as possible (they are the minority but unfortunately they are the ones that you have to deal with the most).

On the day before I leave, I still have to deal with the guys who sold and promised to buy back our computers, as he suddenly had a change of heart and wouldn't own up to the flowery promises he had made.
I also have to settle the payments with our landlord, who had already given us a few surprises regarding to the bills.

Every time something bad like the above happened, I wish I was in the comfort of my home in NZ, but...I will still miss the good things here once I'm gone.

"There's a French saying, every time you leave a place, a part of you dies." Five years ago, in a mountain village of Northern Italy, my Dutch flatmate told me this, before I left after finishing a two-week marble sculpture course.

Yes it is sad to leave a place where you've created a lot of memories, but that's just a natural part of travelling. You feel sad, but it's a beautiful feeling.

"I guess I'll miss you too." I say to the cat as I stroke his chin. He continues to sleep like a baby.

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Ouch my fingers!

The cold weather on the mountain have taken its first victim, after some itchy red patches appeared on my hands for several days, now 2.5 of my fingers are swollen like sausages.

Of course, it was my own fault for not realising the hazard of cold temperatures and taking preventive measures, but there was a good reason (whether wise or not): I tried to test my limits and see how much my body can adjust to the cold weather with minimum amount of external help.

So as a result:
- I washed clothes by hand with cold water
- I only wore a pair of gloves that's not wind proof and is probably slightly too tight (bad for blood circulation)
- I walked in snow/hail storms where the cold breeze attacked my umbrella-holding hands mercilessly (this one is unavoidable though)
- I ignored the early symptoms - the itchy red patches

Anyway my hands are now wrapped in a new pair of warm gloves, and with 12 days to go until I leave here, they shall survive.

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Believe it or not

I find that when I disagree with people's beliefs, quite often they get upset.
On the other hand, it upsets me when they assume that since I disagree with them, I must believe in the opposite beliefs.

Needless to say, with all the upsetting going around, the heated exchanges of disagreements often occur naturally and unavoidably.

It's an interesting and delicate situation when you are standing in the middle, and don't want to take side in the constant fightings between dualistic beliefs and ideas.

"Does god exist?"
"Does Jesus as a historical figure actually existed?"
"Is there a purpose to life, or are we all just nature's accidents?"
"Did we really evolve from monkeys? (evolution vs. creationism)"
"Did we (humankind) really landed on the moon?"
"Was Benezir Bhutto really killed by Al-Qaeda?"
("It's Musharraf, he's the one behind this!" Someone uttered this in a matter-of-fact-tone, immediately after the news of the assassination came out.)

Having spend a lot of time on questioning and thinking about everything I could, I concluded that: "If you know the truth, then you know it. Only when this knowing is absent do beliefs become necessary."

Of course we cannot know everything, so it is inevitable that we have to believe in a lot of things that we don't really know.
The point I want to make is that, since beliefs are merely pointers to the truth, there's no point to get too caught up with them mentally or emotionally, right? My beliefs often change with time anyway, like everything else, they are ever-changing and constantly evolving.

My attitude towards questions like "Do you believe....etc?" (eg. "Do you believe that we actually landed on the moon?") have always been something like: "Since I don't have access to the first-hand evidences, and I'm often not expert enough to interpret them, I prefer to stay neutral. I'll just observe, see what both side have to say, and leave it at that."

However this answer doesn't always pleases people.
"You are being political."
"You are just avoiding the responsibility to choose."
"You just won't open your eyes and see the truth, by saying that you will stay neutral, you are denying the evidences in front of you right here!"
"You can't stand in the middle of the street, the car is coming, choose which side you want to be on now, or the car will run you over!"

I frowned whenever I see people jump blindly into believing something, without carefully examining the validity of the story being told to them. Most of the time, people just want the evidences to support or reinforce their existing beliefs, they see what they want to see, and ignore whatever they don't like.

Those who are making an effort to search for the truth, who prefer to observe without rush to conclusions, have to stand the heat coming from people on both sides of the dualistic belief, or leave and go their own way.

How did a lone wolf become alone?

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